


Do You Still Seek to Know? And What?

by ColorWithMarker



Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor - All Media Types
Genre: Eddas, Loki's Kids, Loki-centric, Multi, Multiple Deaths, Multiple Relationships, Nature Versus Nurture, Problems, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-09
Updated: 2014-12-09
Packaged: 2018-02-28 18:42:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2743082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ColorWithMarker/pseuds/ColorWithMarker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nature versus nurture is explored by the Avengers when Loki is captured and held prisoner in the Avengers Tower, with the possibility of Ragnarök upon them. As they try to find a way to deal with him, Loki's past is brought to light, and the Avengers find themselves sympathetic for the god who tried to take over their world. Deals with Loki's past and dark themes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Do You Still Seek to Know? And What?

_Run, you fool. Run faster. You’re bound to be caught at the rate you’re going._

_Loki’s breath was haggard and shallow, heavily inhaled and exhaled through his mouth – or rather, if he were going off the body parts he had at the moment, her mouth, as he was currently a mare in heat running for her life. Four legs galloped with desperation as the thunderous hooves of Svadilfari chased with as much determination, greed in the horse’s eyes. He was a strong steed, as the last month had proven, and Loki knew that much. He knew what Svadilfari wanted – and Loki was not going to give anything to him._

_Run faster, you dolt! Do you want him to catch you?_

_As children, running games were favored between Thor and his friends, where a designated person had to chase the others, and switch roles with whomever they caught. As the youngest and smallest, Loki was often the first to chase them; however, what he lacked in speed he made up in grace and quick reactions. He could easily sneak up on the others, and escape from their reach before they could react, only knowing whom had surprised them from the snickers that echoed. Only if he had focused more on gaining momentum before his cunning got the best. He would’ve long outrun this steed by now._

_Loki was growing exhausted. The sun was nearing the end of its peregrination, the sky glowing reds and oranges above him. Fortunately, they weren’t running through a forest, or else Loki was sure he would smack into branches, and could easily tell where he was guiding himself through the plains.  But that meant Svadilfari had a chance to pick up his own speed, and was growing dangerously close to Loki. He had to make a decision – continue running through open space, or possibly lose him in the confusion of the woods._

_He was a trickster; how hard was it to lose a horse in a maze of trees?_

_Very. The will of the steed alone was enough to keep him on Loki’s tail. Loki, on the other hand, was having troubles of his own. The bark and gaps morphed into one. He was tired. He was starved. He needed a drink above all else. He wished for this chase to end._

_In a cruel twist of fate, the chase ended shortly after, with Svadilfari catching the mare and nearly tackling her to the earth. Perhaps, Loki thought, this was the end, and he can go back to his normal glamour, and tell see that Asgard has its walls and Freyja didn’t have to give her hand to–_

_His thoughts were cut short by Svadilfari painfully penetrating Loki, something he’d never wanted to experience before. The neighs of a distressed mare were heard from all around the forest. Maybe if he cried out loud enough, Thor or Odin would hear and save him._

_The Norns were not in his favor that evening._

* * *

__

The Avengers had not assembled since the New York incident. Bruce thought it was strange, considering what had happened since then. Tony had to save the President. Thor had to save the Nine Realms from dark elves. Steve and Natasha had to hold their own against SHIELD, which was now disbanded. When he thought about it, Bruce took off his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose. They were the worst teammates ever.

However, when it came to crazy Norse gods of mischief, the Avengers assembled faster than he could blink.

Currently, they were gathered in the higher floors of the Avengers Tower, with Maria Hill and Nick Fury. Two floors below them, Loki was chained in a room made for the other guy. Natasha stood between Steve and newcomer Sam Wilson, arms crossed. Steve stood straight, his face solemn, with Sam trying to appear that he knew what was going on. Clint was perched on the couch (“Would it kill you to sit like a normal person?” Tony had asked), stone-faced, although Bruce had a feeling Clint was angered by the god’s presence on Earth. Tony was fixing himself a drink at the bar, saying this was a situation that called for alcohol. Thor had arrived minutes ago with Jane Foster, Darcy Lewis, and Erik Selvig, all of whom were being taken out to dinner by Pepper, who said this was something they didn’t need to or want to be involved in.

The elevator doors suddenly opened, and all parties in the room turned to see a young blonde woman march in, files in hand.

“For those who don’t know, I am Sharon Carter,” she introduced. “Since I am the one who called for you all to be here, I believe I should start this off.”

* * *

_Loki was bleeding so heavily that he had no choice but to use his female glamour. Fortunately, there was an abandoned shack that he (no matter how he physically appeared, he preferred being used by his proper pronouns) found a long dress, cloak, and tattered boots, all draping over his slight frame, that he wore as he limped back to the castle. He snuck in through one of many secret passages, one that led to the healers’ room. Eir, who had been tidying her area, spotted the intruder and knew it was the prince. She immediately called for help and the royal family as she helped Loki onto a bed and began tending to him._

_Frigga was first to appear. She let in other healers, but told Odin and Thor it was improper to see any woman in the state Loki was in, despite being the father and brother. Loki was too exhausted to fend off the women, and let the stitch and bandage and treat every wound on his body._

_“I would advise against using any other glamours for the time being,” Eir said. “Your body is too damaged to be in your natural male form.”_

_How humiliating, Loki thought to himself._

_“Oh, my poor, sweet baby,” Frigga whispered, petting Loki’s hair. “What happened to you?”_

_“He was so fast, Mother,” Loki said, his voice hoarse from screaming. “It was dusk when he caught up. I hadn’t a clue he was so…”_

_Frigga’s nostrils flared. “I told the All-Father not to make you undo this alone. It was all of the council who agreed, not just you.” She quickly left her youngest’s side. Loki sighed deeply at Frigga and Odin’s shouting._

_With their parents distracted, and knowing the healers wouldn’t turn him away, Thor slipped into the room. Eir quickly covered Loki with a blanket. He noticed the healers carrying rags drenched with blood and paled. He rushed to Loki’s side, hand resting gently on his brother’s slim shoulder._

_“Where did all that blood come from?” he asked. “I swear, I’ll murder the fool who attacked you.”_

_Loki would’ve laughed if he wasn’t in so much pain. Of course Thor’s first response was violence. Instead, he sat up and found himself hugging his brother, crying into the broad chest and not caring that his female body was indecently exposed. And that’s what his parents walked in to see once they stopped their bickering._

* * *

__

“This footage was caught outside the Avengers Tower approximately nine days ago,” Sharon began, holding the file out to Natasha. She held it out for Steve and Sam to see as she flipped through pictures of Loki outside the tower, same as he had last time he came to Earth. She passed it the opposite direction of Tony, less to trigger his panic attacks (mostly because only Bruce and Pepper were supposed to know of them, and she didn’t think he wanted to be embarrassed in front of the team like that).

“Hill and I have been tracking him throughout the city since this was found,” Sharon continued. “I’ve noticed the deterioration of his mental state. Two days ago, I found him thrashing in an alley and decided then was a good time to bring him in. Stark and Banner were kind enough to offer an area to contain him, and here we all are now.”

“And here’s the real reason we called you here,” Maria said. “I expect Thor to know the most about this, but everyone’s input would be helpful. How many of you have heard of Ragnarök?”

* * *

_Loki rarely left the palace anymore. He never talked to anyone outside of his family and the healers, and the latter only in the privacy of his quarters. Once, Sif asked why he seemed ill. Thor brushed it off, saying it must’ve been a new spell he was practicing._

_All they saw was a spell. Everyone had saw the illusion of the second prince, seemingly acting as himself. When he was locked in his room, the allusion was cast aside. He was still in his female glamour, stomach swelling with child. A child who kicked hard and kept Loki up all hours._

_Eir tried to see the brighter side of the predicament. She once commented on how thrilled Frigga would be once she was a grandmother. Loki wasn’t too fond of the jest._

_Eir was sworn to secrecy, less she find herself at the feet of the council begging for mercy for defying the prince. Other healers let in were given similar threats._

_Frigga had her suspicions, Loki assumed, and even if she didn’t, she held her tongue._

_Thor and Odin were in the dark. Neither would react properly._

_Loki sat on his bed, only dressed in a large tunic stolen from his brother’s room, hands resting on his swollen belly. Soon, he told himself. Soon I will be a father._

_He snorted. He wasn’t any father. He was the mother. Oh, how cruel the Norns could be._

* * *

__

“It is the end of the worlds. Foretold by the Norns, Loki is the harbinger of the war. After being caught by the gods, he will be chained with the innards of his son, with a poisonous snake knotted over him, spitting acid. His wife, Sigyn, will sit beside him, holding a bowl over him to catch the poison. Every time she empties it, the snake spits at my brother, thus creating earthquakes. One day, he will be freed from his chains, and then he shall gather all he can find from the deepest pits of Hel to bring into battle. He and I will be fighting on separate sides… I am predicted to be the slayer and equally slayed by my nephew, Loki’s son. One of the earlier casualties of the battle. Loki will also die. And when it’s all over, only six men shall remain living. Then the cycle shall repeat itself, with my grandfather and the beginning of the worlds.”

The first response came from Tony: “When you say wife, do you mean someone who was forced to marry your brother, or someone who actually liked the guy?”

“This is no time to jest,” Thor warned. “Sigyn is a very devoted wife to my brother. She raises their sons while he’s off causing mischief.”

“And they have kids together?!”

“If I can bring up a specific point,” Clint intervened, stopping Tony from asking another inane question. “You mentioned that every time poison hit your brother, he caused earthquakes.”

“Aye,” Thor assured. “Why?”

“There was an earthquake in southeast China less a few weeks ago,” Clint said. “An eight-point-one on the Richter scale.”

“So what you’re saying is that Loki was already chained up and what-not?” Sam asked.

Clint nodded. “That, and that he’s here to bring this… whatever you called it. He’s ready to start the end of the worlds.”

* * *

_The Vanir were celebrating the birthdays of Frey and Freya in their home realm. It was an honor for anyone to be invited. With the close relations between Asgard and Vanaheim, the royal family was invited. Odin had to accept, and Thor and the Warriors Three were always ready for a lavish feast. Loki declined, knowing that neither sibling was too fond of him. Frigga insisted that Loki couldn’t be trusted alone in Asgard and offered to stay behind. Odin and Thor left without a second thought._

_It was a blessing they were gone, as Loki’s water broke hours after their departure._

_Eir had no choice but to bring her equipment to Loki’s chambers, the queen and assistants hot on her heels. The prince was curled up on his bed, howling with agony. Two assistants kneeled behind him and helped keep him sitting upright. Eir removed Loki’s bottoms before moving his legs into a better position. Frigga was chosen to deliver the child, and every now and then announced Loki’s progress._

_Once he was ready to push, Loki shook his head._

_“My son, I know you feel pain,” Frigga said, “but you cannot prolong this any longer. You need to push.”_

_Loki glared at her. “It feels like I will birth a child the size of Thor,” he grunted._

_“Then you shall understand my own pains. Loki, please, push.” Frigga looked her son in the eye, giving him her most stern and loving look. He, on the other hand, wore an expression of pure fear. He was not born to birth children, as far as he was concerned. Nothing he’d done prior to this could ever measure to what he was doing now. Exhaling a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding in, Loki nodded at his mother, who smiled gratefully and repeated to push._

_Damn, this child was as stubborn as his brother too. Loki gritted his teeth and growled with great determination, but the babe wasn’t budging. Eir’s eyebrows were knit with worry, wondering if the babe was breeched. She suggested that they cut the child out, but Frigga told her Loki was strong, he could do this. His chin nearly touched his belly as he curled up, desperate to birth this child. He stopped when he heard Frigga and Eir gasp at the sight._

_“Is something wrong, Mother?” he asked hoarsely._

_Frigga and Eir communicated through quick glances, before the latter said, “We’re reached a point of no return. You have no choice but to birth the child now. I must warn you, the damage to your female glamour will be greater than anticipated–”_

_“But for the sake of your kin, you must continue,” Frigga finished._

_Loki was too exhausted to try figuring out what the women were implying. He went on howling and pushing, feeling the slow exit of his child out of his body. Had he been more aware of what was happening, he would’ve felt something that wasn’t a child. It wasn’t until the babe was completely expelled from his body and he fell back into the arms of the two assistants supporting him, heaving and crying, that he noticed the lack of his child’s wailing. It was the horse snout pushing against his left arm that caught his undivided attention._

_Frigga laughed. “You were impregnated as a horse, by another horse,” she said. “We should have seen this coming.”_

* * *

__

 “No, no, no, that’s impossible,” Sam said.

Tony raised an eyebrow. “You’ve never met Loki. It’s very plausible.”

“Not that. I mean it’s impossible for there to be some mythical giant battle that kills everyone in existence. It sounds stupid.”

“You may believe it to be,” Thor said, “but it has happened before.”

“It has?!” Tony exclaimed.

“Shut up, Stark,” Fury interrupted. “That’s not important. What’s important is the fugitive who may be in the process of causing the end of life as we know it.”

“Loki isn’t the only one involved,” Thor admitted. “His mistress Angrboda would be rallying troops as we speak of all evil beings – the dark elves, frost giants, those in Helheim, and her and Loki’s children. Loki leads them, but he doesn’t gather them all.”

“So what you’re saying is that keeping Loki here is almost ineffective,” Maria said. “We could hold him hostage until Ragnarök, and it’d make no difference.”

“Aye.”

Once again, after a period of silence to reflect, Tony interrupted, this time by saying, “I call bullshit on Loki having a mistress.”

* * *

_Loki was startled awake several times during the night._

_It’d been days since the birth of his son, whom he named Sleipnir. His body was still damaged severely from giving birth (something he swore to never do again, even if it was to appease Odin or all of Asgard). The physical tolls were overshadowed by the grey-haired foal that wobbled on its eight legs in Loki’s room. His son. His beautiful son. Loki often clutched his son’s head close to his chest, and coaxed Sleipnir to sleep with the rhythm of his heartbeat. The Nine Realms were perfect. His son was perfect._

_So why was this unsettlement residing in him?_

_Loki grabbed his cloak and threw it over his night tunic, hood covering his head. Making sure Sleipnir was still abed, he slipped out of his chambers and roamed the halls near him. Usually there were guards posted at every corner. Tonight, they were bare. The halls were unusually quiet. Something was amiss, but what was it…?_

_His questions were answered by the thunderous footsteps of his brother and father. Cloak wrapped over his front to cover his ample female chest, Loki tried to race his father back to his quarters, only to be intercepted by the absent guards, all pointing weapons at the prince. Whether it was because he was unrecognizable in his female glamour or if Odin ordered them, Loki was unsure of why._

_Speak of the devil, the guards parted to let the All-Father and first prince through. Odin yanked the hood off Loki’s head, his one eye narrowed._

_“I thought you’d abandoned this glamour long ago,” he said._

_“Does anything I do need a reason?” Loki replied._

_“Knowing your nature, there always is one.” Odin motioned for the guards to back away so he could continue to Loki’s room. Loki was quickly held by Thor, unable to escape his grasp. He begged and kicked, ignoring the spikes of pain shooting through his female nether regions. His voice was caught in his throat once Odin opened the doors, and was filled with anguish when Odin gave Loki a hardened glance. For a moment, it nearly seemed apologetic._

_“Please,” Loki said weakly. “Don’t do this.” He knew his words would fall upon deaf ears._

_“Take the foal to the stables,” Odin ordered the guards. “He is to be kept there until he is old enough for riding.” Looking Loki directly in the eye, he added, “He will make a fine steed.”_

_Loki’s heart dropped. “You can’t do that to my son!” he exclaimed. He wrestled harder against Thor, who only tightened his grip, and screamed as the guards led Sleipnir away, who neighed and tried to gallop to his wailing mother._

_Once the ordeal was over, Loki refused to leave his chambers for two months. Only Frigga was allowed entrance, and rarely at that. Thor sat outside Loki’s door, begging for forgiveness. It took Loki another six months to forgive Thor._

_Odin wasn’t a bit remorseful, and rode Sleipnir with great pride. Loki was forced to watch his son be degraded to what others saw as an honor, disgust filling him at his father’s actions._

* * *

__

“Believe it or not, my friends, there were thousands of worlds before this, and thousands more to follow,” Thor said. “In some, I have not come to Midgard. In others, my journey starts here,” Thor said. “Once, as children, Loki showed me these other times. They were quite interesting.”

“Alternate worlds aside, my main concern is protecting this world,” Fury said. “I’m not about to let some catfight between the gods kill us all.”

“Fear not, Director, as Midgard rarely ever gets involved. They continue living as the rest of the Nine Realms joins the battle.”

“Well, excuse me for not being so willing to let a team member die alone in battle.”

Bruce snorted, quickly catching everyone’s attention. He shook his head and chuckled. “Isn’t that a bit hypocritical? How many battles have we all been forced to fight alone, even after the Avengers were formed? What about Christmas? London? SHIELD’s compromise?”

“On a related side-note, Clint, where the hell were _you_ during these incidents?” Tony asked.

It took fourteen seconds for everyone to unanimously agree that Tony go downstairs and keep Loki company while the rest of the group decided how they would deal with Loki. He said they were all out to get him as the elevator door shut. Soon a betting pool was started over how Loki long it would take the god to get annoyed and how he would dispose of Tony.

* * *

_Marriage, Loki decided, was a punishment worse than death._

_The day he met Sigyn, Loki thought she was stunning. Long blonde hair, deep sapphire eyes, and a body that would make most women jealous. If Freya were near, he’d still say Sigyn was the most beautiful woman in the room (out of personal beliefs and the joy of seeing Freya’s reaction). He was pleased when they were wedded, and couldn’t say that he was disappointed when he bedded her that evening. (Thor had later commented on how impressed he was, though Loki was still embarrassed that Thor was cheering them on during the consummation.)_

_He was quickly displeased by her clingy demeanor. He couldn’t breathe without her at his side, talking with no restraint. It quickly became a joke amongst the Warrior’s Three, with Volstagg laughing at Fandral’s jests at Loki’s obvious hatred toward having to return to his wife’s home._

_Only one month after their marriage and bedding, Sigyn happily announced her pregnancy. Loki wanted to jump into the pits of Niflheim._

_Instead, he wandered around the edges of Asgard, internally bemoaning his current predicament. If Frigga weren’t his mother, he would have expressed his true feelings in ways that she would strike him for._

_From behind, he heard soft footsteps and a dark titter, undoubtedly from a woman. He turned to see his follower, only to be taken aback._

_She was his height, although something told him this wasn’t her natural form. She had thin, long hair the color of dirt, with murky puddles for eyes. She was as lean as he was, yet she appeared ill rather than fit. It wasn’t her form that caught his attention, but the mischievous gleam in her eyes that had Loki wanting her._

_“Perhaps I can distract you from your woes,” she purred in a deep, sultry tone._

_He was married. Asgard wouldn’t be too horrified by any promiscuity, as the most beloved of the gods were known to have many notches in their bedposts. But the faint idea of Frigga and Odin’s disappointment graced his mind, and it made him hesitate. Was being unfaithful, and the chance of finding even a hint of happiness in another woman, worth the aftermath?_

_The thought was soon out of mind and Loki followed his soon-to-be mistress to her home, a nearby cave, and he was able to spend many years ravishing her, in many ways and many forms. Screw it, he deserved to feel happiness._

_He knew that Sigyn was aware of his cheating. She was too preoccupied with mothering their twin sons instead. He struggled to remember his sons’ names._

* * *

__

As Thor continued to share the Norns’ prophecies with his comrades, Natasha and Bruce used a StarkPad to research some Norse mythology on their own. Bruce needed all the data before coming to any conclusions. Natasha needed to know as many facts as possible before assessing the situation and create the best possible outcome.

Once they were done, they both stared at Thor. Natasha couldn’t find it in herself to mask her pure shock. Bruce sat on the floor and began his breathing exercises. Soon Natasha joined in.

Steve found himself distracted by Natasha and Bruce, then concerned for their odd behavior. He waited until Thor’s full attention was on Maria, who had many questions, before kneeling before his teammates.

“Are you two alright?” he whispered.

“We’re meditating,” Bruce replied. He opened one eye, green speckling his brown irises.

Natasha exhaled and stared coldly at Steve. “There are some aspects that Thor has been neglecting to share,” she said. “We did some research on Loki and found some interesting stories.”

“Interesting how?” Steve asked.

Natasha’s gaze flickered to Thor and back to Steve. “Bucky interesting.”

Steve picked up the StarkPad, not wanting to believe Natasha. With the release of SHIELD’s most private files was the truth about what happened to Bucky, which Natasha quickly acquired and erased from the internet. She shared them with Steve, saying he deserved to know the truth. He believed there was nothing worse than what had happened to his friend.

Ten minutes later, Steve joined Natasha and Bruce on the floor, trying to push the mental images from his mind.

* * *

_Fenrir was the first of the three children Angrboda birthed. He was a large wolf, with shaggy, dark fur and wild eyes. He would arise with great energy each morning and wear himself down by midday, only to regain his energy in hours and wear himself well into the night._

_Jormungandr was the middle child. He had started out as a tiny serpent, the size of Loki’s finger, but grew larger every day. Soon, they had to keep their son in a nearby lake, unable to house him. The serpent would usually lie coiled up on the bottom of the lake, only coming up to see his parents or siblings._

_Hel was their youngest, and the only daughter Loki ever bore. She had been born a stunning child, with Loki’s features – alabaster skin, jade eyes, and ebony hair. However, the right half of her body slowly decayed, until only the left of her remained stunning, and the right was nearly repulsive – grey, rotted, wrinkled flesh that few dared to touch, including Hel herself; nearly white hair, coarse and untamable; and an eye that had lost its color, only a white orb with a tiny pupil in the middle._

_Loki loved these children as he had loved Sleipnir. He couldn’t find it in his heart to love Nari and Vali (yes, he finally learned his and Sigyn’s sons’ names) like he loved his other four children, only because these were the children who needed love. Nari and Vali were like any other god. The others, especially the ones he had with Svadilfari and Angrboda, were the ones who would be shunned for their appearances._

_It was only a matter of time before Odin caught wind. Angrboda had mentioned seeing two ravens stalking outside her home, and Loki panicked. He told her to take their children and run as fast as she could. They needed to get as far from Asgard as possible. Angrboda shook her head, saying that Fenrir and Jormungandr were impossible to travel with, and refused to even leave with just Hel._

_When Odin finally came after them, Loki discovered that Angrboda had taken off on her own, back to her home realm of Jotunheim. Odin was going to be livid when he learned._

_This ordeal was similar to losing Sleipnir. Again, the palace guards trapped Loki. Again, Odin approached his second son, this time showing his disappointment more openly. Again, Thor had to hold down his brother, who thrashed and protested with great determination. Again, he was forced to watch as Odin cast out his kin to undesirable fates._

_Fenrir was to be chained in the Jotunheim. Loki hoped Angrboda would at least find Fenrir and protect their eldest._

_Jormungandr was to live in the large bodies of water on Midgard, nicknamed the Midgardian Serpent as he was cast out._

_Hel was to rule over Niflheim, as queen of the dead, living amongst soulless creatures for eternity._

_As they were taken from him, Loki heard everyone present, minus Thor, call his children monsters. Any child of Loki’s was a monster, they said indiscreetly. Even Odin had declared this before banishing his children._

_They were in three equally unwelcoming places, in places nearly inaccessible by any god, including Loki himself. Odin knew this. He didn’t want Loki to get anywhere near his children, unless he was willing to risk his life._

_This time, Loki went back to his home with Sigyn, and tried to find it in his heart to love Nari and Vali, who were aware of their father enough to resent him. He found them as intolerable as their mother._

* * *

__

Loki looked like shit, Tony thought upon seeing him. He was rail thin and ghostly pale. His eyes seemed sunken in, the cheekbones much more prominent than he remembered. The black mane of hair had grown to his clavicle, and much thicker and curlier than the slick hair he’d donned last time he was in New York. Instead of the leather outfit he’d worn before, he was wearing a green tunic and black trousers, neither of which seemed to fit the fallen prince. Tony almost pitied him, if he wasn’t so convinced that Loki was going to end life as they knew it.

Tony entered the room, eyes warily glued on Loki, body stiff as he stood by the closed door. Loki stared back, leaning against the wall and nearly unresponsive.

Finally, Loki inhaled deeply and asked, “To what do I owe the pleasure of being graced with the Man of Iron’s presence?”

Tony was grateful that he’d broken the tension. He relaxed his body and forced himself to laugh. “Everyone was annoyed at me, so they gave me babysitting duty.”

“I remember you babbling more than necessary,” Loki noted with a grimace.

With that much sass, you might as well be one of the X-Men or Brotherhood members, Tony thought bitterly.

“Anyway, unless you have something interesting to say, I don’t want your company,” the god continued, waving at Tony as if to shoo him away. “I was rather fond of the quiet.”

Tony decided to sit closer to Loki, and had plopped down a few feet in front of him, legs crossed. “They’re talking about how you plan to end the world, you know,” he said.

Loki’s nose wrinkled slightly as he said, “Do they have nothing better to discuss? After all, I don’t appear to be in any situation to end the world, do I?”

“Well, Thor said you have some mistress doing your dirty work for you, which I don’t believe, ‘cause there’s no way _you_ have a mistress.”

“It wouldn’t surprise me if Angrboda has started. She said it was time when she freed me from my chains.”

Tony’s eyes widened. “Really? You have a mistress?” he exclaimed.

Loki rolled his eyes. “As intelligent as you claim to be, you seem quite dense. Have you not read Norse mythology? I figured your SHIELD had you do your research.”

“Well, if you’d done _your_ research, you’d know SHIELD doesn’t exist anymore, smart-ass,” Tony retorted.

“With that much sass in your tone, you remind me of the man who controls metal. Lensherr, was it?”

Tony scowled at the comment. “I do not have the same sass as Magneto.”

* * *

_Loki kept himself locked in his chambers, unable to face Asgard in his current state. Tears fell from his eyes, and sounds were muffled in his throat, but none escaped through his lips. Nothing at all passed through his lips, he remembered in horror, and his hands graced over the nine cross-stitches over his lips. He had to suppress bile when he saw the blood on his fingers._

_No matter how he looked at it, he ultimately blamed Sif. Had she not given in to his sexual advances those nights ago, then he wouldn’t have been summoned by Odin to explain why the female warrior had most of her golden locks shorn. Loki denied it, but she had Thor and the Warriors Three tricked into believing her. He was told to repay Sif for the damage. He begrudgingly went to the sons of Ivaldi, who not only produced hair for Sif, but also a ship for Frey and Gungnir for Odin. That was when the greedy, mischievous side of him was lured in by Brokk’s challenge. Loki had scoffed, and was willing to bet his own head that Brokk’s gifts couldn’t outshine his own._

_Mjolnir was the game-changer. The magical weapon, only made for the most worthy to wield, was specially made for Thor. When Loki asked the gods whose gift was more impressive, all chose Brokk (minus Sif, who was admiring her new hair). He wasn’t able to talk his way out of paying his dues, until telling Brokk that he could only take Loki’s head, not his neck. After spending many minutes trying to make a proper cut, the dwarf angrily declared he still receive his justice._

_Loki squeezed his eyes shut. He didn’t want to think about it again._

_The sleeves of his tunic fell to his elbows. Thor’s thick fingerprints had bruised his forearms, the ugly purplish color tainting the pale skin, and the bones under them mostly healed. His lips wouldn’t heal until the stitches were taken out. Loki refused to rip them out himself. He didn’t want to go through this pain again._

_He heard a loud rasping at his door. Loki fell to the floor and backed himself against the furthest wall, knowing exactly whom it was. He was petrified._

_“Brother, please,” Thor pleaded from the hall, “I cannot dream for your forgiveness, but at least allow me to help you.”_

_Loki wanted to scream at Thor. Tell the oaf to go away and leave him be. Perhaps turn the wretch into a Jotun and watch the guards take him down._

_He could do nothing but sit back against the wall, crying silently as Thor continued to beg._

_When Sif dared to visit Loki and taunt him, her golden tresses were forever turned to brown. He refused to let everyone win in the end._

_Sigyn came later, and used her smallest blade to cut the stitches. Once Loki gained full ability of his voice and jaw, he marched straight to Thor and told him off._

* * *

__

“Kumbaya,” Sam sang, looking right at the meditating trio. “Kum-bay-yah.”

“Wilson, what the hell are you doing?” Fury demanded.

“I’m just wondering why they’re over there about to start yoga class,” Sam justified, pointing to the corner. Thor finally stopped explaining Ragnarök to the former agents to notice his comrades not paying attention.

“Do my tales bore you?” he asked, hurt.

“It’s less of what you’ve said and more of what you’re leaving out,” Bruce explained.

Thor laughed. “Pardon?”

“What he means to say, Thor, is that while the end of the world is important, it’s not like it’s going to happen for no reason,” Natasha explained, standing and stretching. “There are many backstories that you’ve left out.”

“I do not understand, Lady Natasha. The occurrence of Ragnarök has been foretold by the Norns. That’s why it’s taking place.”

“No, Thor, we mean why Loki may have a vendetta against you and the other gods,” Steve said, also rising to his feet, and helping Bruce stand, too.

“My friends, Loki has long since forgave and forget the troubles he’s caused from his youth,” Thor insisted. “It has nothing to do with–”

“You’re telling me that holding your brother down while he has his lips sewed shut isn’t in any way, shape, or form traumatizing?” Natasha cut in, eyes narrowed at the god.

Thor quickly became defensive. “My brother had gotten his revenge since then, and has long forgiven me for my actions. Had I been in any position to not do so, I would have–”

“And your niece and nephews? You’re perfectly fine with all of them being cast out, never to be seen again? Have you even _met_ them?”

“Of course I have! I visited my sister-in-law and nephews during my last visit to Asgard.”

“Thor, according to the legends, they’re all dead now,” Bruce said. “Doesn’t that phase you?”

Thor tried to make a comeback, but he faltered before he could utter a sound. Fury, Sharon, and Maria were all able to mask their concern. Clint fell into a normal sitting position.

“You guys in Asgard are more fucked-up than I thought,” he told Thor.

* * *

_Loki gritted his teeth together and clenched his fists under the table, cursing his brother for being foolish enough to lose the damned hammer that nearly cost his own life. Meanwhile, every man in the room had been eying Loki, who was in his female glamour yet again, to appease the All-Father._

_Beside him, Thor was gorging himself with meat, forgetting that he was supposed to be posing as Freya. Loki promised himself to tell her about how Thor tainted her image when they had their next gossip session. (Just because they were on bad terms did not mean they never dished dirt on the other gods. It was a rather relaxing experience for the two.)_

_One of the behemoths at the table made his way to Loki, standing behind him with a hand on each small shoulder. “Pardon my intrusion, but I have to know if a creature as beautiful as yourself has been claimed by another yet,” he asked, eyebrows wiggling suggestively._

_Loki had to swallow the bile in his throat before forcing a smile on his lips. “I must apologize, but my lover may not be too pleased to see a man as… much as you are trying to… claim me,” he lied. It had been the second-hardest lie for him to tell._

_“And who is the lucky god?”_

_Next came the hardest lie ever: “Fandral. He is a good friend of my bro- er, the royal family, so I would advise that you remove your hands and guide yourself back to your seat at the other side of the banquet table.” The giant quickly backed off and returned to his seat, the others laughing at his failure._

_“Do not think I won’t tell Fandral of this,” Thor said as he chewed._

_Loki wrinkled his nose. He would have many demands that Frigga taught her eldest table manners. “In order to tell him that, you would have to explain how you ended up as the bride of a wedding.”_

_Thor’s face fell behind the veil. “You wouldn’t dare.”_

_“I could make Thrym believe that you truly were Freya. You would have to consummate the marriage tonight.” Leaning toward his brother, he added, “I would have to be present. I would watch the entire affair and retell it to Freya. There’s no stopping her once she hears a juicy piece of gossip.”_

_“I understand. And broth- er, maiden of mine–” they never agreed on a false name for Loki “–I’ve noticed that you’ve been quite tense. Is everything alright?”_

_No, Loki wanted to say. He was still terrified of using his female glamour. The men leering at him, their grabby hands, it was all a stark reminder of Svadilfari. He thought that at any minute now, one of them would slam him against the table or wall and take him right on the spot, and he would be forced to cry out helplessly._

_Rape, he reminded himself. The word for it was rape. When he last visited Midgard, he had learned of some of their terms. Another was post-traumatic stress. That was what would overcome him when he was reminded of it, such as now. These were natural terms to Midgardians, and now Loki, too, but no Asgardian, Vanir, or other creature knew them. Thor would never understand._

_“Everything is fine,” he lied. Thor nodded and dug back into his food._

_Loki forced himself to hold back the tears. That was the most common lie of all._

* * *

__

“You’re quite different from the other worlds,” Loki commented, eying Tony closely. “The messy hair creates quite the lovely, rugged look.”

“What’re you talking about?” Tony asked. “I’m pretty sure I’ve always had this hairstyle.”

Loki sighed. “If you had been listening to the conversation taking place above us like I have–”

“You’ve been listening this whole time?!”

“–then you would’ve heard Thor mention that there are other worlds. Ones that even you don’t know of.”

Tony snorted. “Prove it.”

Seconds later, Tony was looking at himself, only it wasn’t himself. The man he was looking at had much shorter hair, gelled back. He was also much taller, with dull blue eyes instead of deep brown. He looked jaded, worn down, defeated – the opposite of Tony Stark, in his opinion. He watched as this version of Tony droned through his morning, being ordered around by someone who wasn’t JARVIS or Pepper, showering without touching himself (not like _he_ did that), then stare at his reflection, spitting, “What are you looking at? I hate it when you look at me like that.”

“You’re woman assistant left you,” Loki said, snapping Tony out of his daze. “She leaves with your driver, and they live their life without you. In fact, what had been pumped into her blood is put into your own system, that fire disease.”

“Extremis,” Tony said quietly.

“Ah, yes, that. Well, it becomes part of your system for some time, and comes quite in handy.” Loki returned his gaze back to his projection, smirking. “Well, I never knew that you used to strip down to wear your metal suit.”

Tony should have stopped Loki from staring at his counterpart’s nudity, but instead thought of how much easier foreplay with Pepper would’ve been if he hadn’t been wearing jeans and band shirts underneath the armor.

Never let it be said that Tony’s mind was never out of the gutter, no matter how serious the situation.

* * *

_Midgard had become the only place of solace left for Loki to travel. The Aesir have accused him of murdering one of the other gods, the cherished golden-child Baldur, and no longer felt welcome in his own homeland. Vanaheim surely wouldn’t open their arms and bring him in. Jotunheim and Svartalfheim would kill him on the spot. Alfheim and Muspelheim would chase him off. Niflheim was unbearable by anyone’s standards. Hel was his first option, but his daughter was busy ruling the dead and holding a grudge against her parents._

_In his female glamour, Loki roamed the lands of Midgard, growing more and more impressed by the vast changes they’ve made since his last visit. Homes of wood and carriages to carry Midgardians were the most impressive. Perhaps Odin should visit the mortals and learn a thing or two, Loki thought bitterly._

_At nightfall, Loki would find shelter in caves or in forests. He had too much pride to ask a Midgardian for shelter, only because he refused to lower himself to begging anyone. Even during the harshest and coldest nights, Loki was able to sleep comfortably against the solid ground he chose to rest upon, before rising and continuing his journey. He’d drink from streams and eat whatever food the nature provided him, whenever he was in need of sustenance._

_This life wasn’t too bad, Loki decided. It was peaceful. No oafish brother to pester him. No behemoths demanding he fight like them, rather than rely on magic. No Sigyn to hover over him. No unruly sons to watch over. Nothing could reach him on Midgard. That’s how he wanted it to be._

_Many months into his travels, Loki came across a tavern. The snow was just beginning to fall, and he could see the glow of a warm fire through the windows. He entered and removed the hood of his cloak and sat at the bar, observing the mortals around him, jovially drinking and laughing over stories. His heart wrenched. Thor would do the same when they were decades younger. Oh, how times had changed._

_The bartender placed a stein of mead before Loki, who blinked in confusion. “My apologies, but I do not have anything to pay you with,” he said, his female voice – his voice in general – foreign to himself. When was the last time he had to speak to anyone?_

_“I figured as much,” the bartender said. “Someone bought it for you.” At his confused look, the bartender pointed to a man sitting at the other end of the bar, smiling shyly. The mortal was quite eye-catching, Loki had to admit, with dark brown locks and contrasting pale grey eyes. The man grabbed his own stein before making his was to Loki._

_“I thought you might need a drink,” he said. “Looks like you haven’t had one in a while.”_

_Loki nodded, smiling for the first time in weeks. “Thank you for your kindness,” he said, sipping diligently at his drink. “No, I have not had a drink in quite some time.”_

_“I’d thought your husband would bring home enough money to provide for you.”_

_“I have no husband.”_

_“I find that hard to believe,” the man said with a snort._

_Loki felt himself blush, and moved his hair over his face to hide it. “Fate hasn’t been too kind when it comes to finding a partner.”_

_Surprisingly soft fingers pushed his hair back, tucking it behind his ears, before trailing back down his jawline and lifting his chin up. The man said, with such softness, “Perhaps fate is giving you another chance tonight.”_

* * *

__

“How have you never heard of rape in Asgard?!” Natasha nearly shrieked. Although she was good at keeping herself calm, she’d been growing more hysterical by the minute, and was currently being held back by Sam and Steve. As much as she didn’t want to hurt them, she was seconds from taking them both down and going after Thor.

“I’ve never heard that word before,” the god admitted, puzzled. “What does it mean?”

“It means doing sexual activities without consent or against the other person’s will,” Bruce explained.

“Banner, I don’t mean to offend you any further than I might have, but I don’t believe my brother was coerced in such ways. He’s been known to be very seductive, even taking those who despise him to bed.”

“Most of the time, a man is the aggressor. Or, in Loki’s case, a steed.”

Thor quickly put two and two together, retracing his memory to his youthful days, the days when Loki wasn’t troubled.

_“Brother, you don’t have to do this,” Thor insisted, hands firm on Loki’s shoulders. “I will break Svadilfari’s legs if I must.”_

_Loki shook his head. “This is for Asgard,” he said. Everything about him oozed confidence. “I caused this mess, so I must undo it. And it’s for Father.” Loki smiled brightly at the thought of proving to Father he wasn’t all trouble. He could be the hero, too._

_Against the voice in his head pleading to stop Loki, the older brother nodded. “And he shall be proud of you. I already am.”_

When was the last time Thor saw Loki smile as genuine as he had that fateful day? Their next meeting involved Loki sobbing, the pure fear in his brother’s beautiful green eyes…

Thor slumped onto the floor, causing it to rattle. “What have I done?” he whispered.

“What was that?” Sharon asked.

“My own brother was full of demons, haunting him about his… _rape_ , and I have done nothing but contributed to his insanity. I _held him hostage_ while his own son was taken away… while his other children were banished…” Everything else became incoherent as Thor began crying. Steve let go of Natasha, who stopped thrashing and stared at the god, to comfort him. No one could tear their eyes off of Thor.

None of them even noticed when Clint slipped into the elevator and made his way down to Loki.

* * *

_Eight years. Eight long, beautiful years on Midgard – no, Earth, the mortals, er, humans called it Earth – with his new family. Eight years as a woman. Eight years spent with the man who bought him a drink at the pub. Eight years, where they spent most of it raising their two daughters._   


_Never in his life had Loki been so happy._

_One morning, Loki was readying to find fresh fruit for his family, when his daughters clinged at his legs. “Mommy, don’t go!” they cried._

_Loki smiled. He leaned down and kissed each of his daughter’s foreheads. “I will return soon, my loves,” he promised._

_“Take us with you, Mommy!”_

_“No, my loves, you know I cannot.”_

_“That’s enough, children,” Loki’s husband teased. “Let your mother go or else we won’t have anything to bake with.” He winked at Loki as the girls’ eyes widened. They quickly ran across the home, talking about pies to make._

_“Just for that, you have to help,” Loki scolded playfully._

_“If I have to help, I hope there’s some compensation for my horrid baking skills.” A hand squeezed Loki’s bottom._

_“Perhaps there will be,” Loki replied, removing the hand and kissing his husband’s lips. “I shall not be long.”_

_“I pray not.”_

_Loki wasn’t long, as he’d promised. This summer was much more providing than past years, with abundances of fruits and vegetables of all sorts for Loki to pick. He couldn’t wait to see his daughters’ awed faces and his husband’s nonchalant responses to hide how impressed he would truly be._

_He opened the door to his home, looked down, and let out a blood-curling scream at the sight of his husband, collapsed on the floor with a broken neck._

_“No, no, no, no,” Loki pleaded, dropping the basket in his hands and rushing to his husband’s side. “Please, do not do this to me. I need you, my love. Wake up!” He looked past the man and to the daughters. Tears welled in his eyes as he dragged the limp man’s body toward them. Loki continued to cry, hugging all three bodies to his own, begging for them to come back to him. “I cannot live without you,” he wailed. “I need you! Please, come back…”_

_“Perhaps a visit to your daughter would solve your problems.”_

_Loki looked up to see Odin standing in the shadowed corner, rage quickly filling him. “You bastard! What did you do to them?”_

_“It’s only fair, Loki,” the All-Father said calmly. “An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. You took something beloved from Asgard, so I am here on behalf of your home to return the favor.”_

_“How could you do this to me?!” Loki ran to the All-Father and began striking him with closed fists, each pound against Odin’s chest hurting his own hand. “I hate you! I hate you! I hate–!” Loki was silenced by Odin backhanding him._

_“I do not need any more words from that silver tongue of yours, Loki,” he said darkly. “You shall return to Asgard, where you belong, not play around with mortals. Let’s, Loki.”_

_“But…” Loki turned back toward his family. “I’m happy here.”_

_“Your happiness is at home, with your wife and sons. This is an illusion. Now come.”_

_Loki spent the night crying in his chambers. Frigga and Thor tried to enter, to comfort him, but they just made him hate his life more._

* * *

__

“Although I must admit that I make a hot chick, I would _never_ marry _Steve Rogers_ ,” Tony said, wrinkling his nose at the sight of his female other making out with the star-spangled man with a plan. “Reed, maybe. Bruce, definitely. Hell, even _Clint_ , even though he’s terrible at relationships. But never Steve.”

“Would you rather have Steve Rogers assassinated and the spectrum between your precious heroes tarnished?” Loki asked. “That was what should have happened.”

“I’ll take the zombie life instead. It’s better than all the other zombie movies I’ve seen. Well, maybe not _Dawn of the Dead_ , but let’s put that aside.” Tony shifted so his legs were tucked beneath him. “I want to see what you were like when you were younger – you know, hundreds of years ago or such.”

Loki was taken aback. He vaguely remembered Stark always being straightforward. “Why?” was all he could muster.

“I’m curious. How did the great evil genius make it from Point A to Point B? Like they say, nobody’s born evil.”

That caught his attention more. “Born evil?”

Tony nodded, shifting again, legs straight in front of him. “Yeah, it’s a whole theory about nature versus nurture. Basically, it’s to see if men are born being ruthless assholes or if they’re raised into one. Hitler, Stalin, even myself back before Iron Man. It makes me wonder if you were always such a little shit.”

“I was wondering the same thing.”

Tony jumped at the sound of Clint’s voice, clutching his chest and heaving. Loki remained calm, forcing a smirk. “Come to witness my madness?” he purred. It brought joy to see his past pet shiver.

“I want to know if it’s all true. The rape, your children – all of it.” There was no time for bluntness.

“Has Thor informed you of my past?” Loki growled.

“No. Nat and Bruce have. Thor was glossing over all your dirty details,” Clint said. “If it’s true you can project other worlds, you can surely project your own past, right?”

Now recovered from his near-heart attack, Tony was growing wary from the tension. “Hey, Bird Brain, you ever wonder how cool it’d be if we were zombies?”

“No, Stark, I think he should see,” Loki intervened. “He does not believe the stories past mortals have written about me. Perhaps he should know the truth. The tales were not far off, either.” Loki gritted his teeth, knowing full well what those stories said about him. “They just view me as purely antagonistic and selfish.”

* * *

_All of Asgard had filled the royal halls, all excited for the idea of just seeing the crowned prince’s most important day. They were fluttering amongst each other, wondering if he was truly as glorious as they’d heard, if the queen was as beautiful as they’d dreamed, if the halls glistened as it’d been rumored._

_Loki felt they were invading his home._

_“My son, please do not grind your teeth so violently,” Frigga ordered. “It’s unbecoming to have broken teeth.”_

_“I do not care,” Loki replied bitterly._

_“It is your brother’s coronation day, so at least pretend to be thrilled for him, if you cannot actually be proud.” Frigga straightened his leather outerwear, inspecting for unsightly wrinkles or smudges. It was much less likely to happen to Loki, especially when compared to Thor. “You knew only one of you could be crowned king.”_

_“As if I were ever up in the running.” He didn’t bother adding that Thor’s only competition was Baldur, knowing how sensitive his mother was toward the subject. Loki was never in the running for the throne. Loki didn’t want the throne, anyway. Who wanted to rule over such a barbarian world like Asgard? He’d rather rule Midgard, where they were more cultured and adaptable._

_“Odin saw you as much of a ruler as your brother,” Frigga said. “But side-by-side kings is out of the question. You two butt heads so much, nothing would ever be agreed upon. Your citizens would go crazy.”_

_Frigga never thought Loki should be king either. She did her best to hide it, and Loki appreciated her efforts, but they were futile._

_“Then why Thor?” The question slipped out before he could stop himself, but it was too late to retract the statement. “What about Thor made him the better option?”_

_He saw her eyes flicker in surprise, not because she didn’t expect him to ask it, but he saw her trying to find an answer. She had one, obviously, but she wasn’t about to vocalize it. Loki wasn’t allowed to know the truth. Who would tell the liesmith, anyway?_

_“Seniority,” Frigga chose to say. “Thor is several decades older, Loki. That was why we chose him.” The queen excused herself, claiming Odin needed her right away._

_Loki clenched his fists. Even his mother was withholding the truth from him, the one who swore to never tell him a lie. While seniority was part of the reason Thor would soon be crowned king, it wasn’t the true reason. Lying to the god of lies – how petty. He saw right through them. They wouldn’t be able to lie to him any longer. He was nearly twenty hundred years old. He wasn’t eight hundred anymore._

_He wasn’t sorry for letting frost giants into Asgard (not like there would be any peasants to spot them sneaking it, let alone Heimdall’s inability to do his job correctly). He would show Odin and Frigga that the oaf was the wrong choice to lead them._

* * *

__

A women, with frail limbs but a shapely torso, struggled to drag herself through a forest, not bothering to cover her nude body. Blood dripped between her legs, leaving a trail, and she cried out in pain with each step. She stumbled upon an abandoned home, where she found herself a dress and boots her size, and a cloak to hide her face. Her journey continued, staggering with each step, one arm outreached to grab her surroundings for support. Once she was in civilized land, they paid no mind to her. She made her way to the middle of the city, near a large castle of gold, where she snuck in and revealed herself. Soon she was being fretted over, stripped down and inspected for any and all injury.

“This is when I became pregnant with my first-born,” Loki said, drawing Tony and Clint away from the sight of a female Loki crying against Thor.

“Didn’t someone call the cops? Or whoever is supposed to arrest rapists?” Tony asked, bewildered.

Loki shook his head. “‘Rape’ is a term I’ve only known for a few hundred years. It is unheard of in Asgard. They just assumed Svadilfari was violent when he... penetrated me.”

“That is beyond fucked up.”

Loki fast-forwarded past the months of him swelling and hiding to the birth of his son. His face remained stoic as he watched himself give birth. Watching the woman thrash and cry and scream had Tony and Clint on edge (they wouldn’t see what the actual birth looked like – Loki didn’t need them to see any more of his female glamour’s naked body, nor was it a pleasant sight for anyone). When she collapsed back, and the eight-legged foal she birthed hobbled to its feet, Loki swore Clint nearly upchucked.

“I’m impressed that you pushed out a horse,” Tony commented. “I mean, who else can say that their–?”

“Keep all crude comments to yourself, Stark,” Loki warned. He watched those precious days between himself and Sleipnir, teaching the foal how to walk, feeding him, showering him with love. Then Odin came home, and tears fell down his cheeks as he watched Sleipnir be taken away, fighting helplessly against Thor’s brute strength.

“Sleipnir,” he whispered. “Please, don’t take him from me.” He leaned back, not caring that the two other men were staring at him. “Mama misses you so much.”

* * *

_Who knew how long he’d been stuck in the void. Hours, days, years – time was meaningless. This was a place where it was less than a concept, let alone a reality. Loki had no idea what time meant anymore. Judging by his declining muscle mass, it’d been quite some time. But he didn’t mind. He was finally left alone._

_He was finally found by two women, one blue and one green, recognizable to anyone as the daughters of Thanos, Nebula and Gamora. And they knew whom Loki was._

_“Shouldn’t you be brooding in your castle?” Nebula questioned as Gamora tied him to one of the seats in their ship._

_“Shouldn’t you be kissing your father’s ass?” Loki spat, making both girls cringe at the thought. He always found their lack of understanding for figurative language amusing. In response, he received a blow to the face, promptly shutting him up._

_“It’ll only be a matter of time before he breaks,” Nebula told her sister. “We don’t need a back-talking brat to serve Thanos.”_

_Gamora grabbed Loki’s face with one hand, bringing it to hers, staring deep into his eyes. “He’s already broken inside,” she noted. “There won’t be any effort needed.” She let go, or rather thrust him back, and turned to her sister. “Change our course straight back to Thanos, Nebula,” she instructed. “I feel our guest will be ready for him once we return.”_

_“Of course.” Nebula sat in the pilot’s seat, turning them back around. Loki stared at Gamora, who cracked each knuckle in her hand with a sinister smile._

_“A bit of passing advice,” he said, “from one adopted child to another.”_

_Gamora narrowed her eyes. “What advice could you possibly share?”_

_“No matter how hard you try, there is no pleasing your father, especially ruthless ones such as Odin or Thanos. They’ll use you until they have exactly what they want, before tossing you aside to favor their true golden child.” Raising his voice, he continued, “You hear me, Nebula? Thanos only needs one of you to carry out his dirty work! You’re nothing!”_

_Gamora grabbed the nearest object – a metal rod, of all things – and struck Loki in the head. Hard enough to make him bleed, but not hard enough to knock him out. She wanted him to be conscious while she tortured him. “Don’t speak such things toward my sister,” she growled._

_Loki being Loki, he had one last thing to add: “Not your real sister. Not your real family. You’re all alone.”_

* * *

__

“Look, I don’t give two shits whether or not he had a suck-ass childhood,” Fury said, “he is still one of the most dangerous men out there, and he must be kept contained until we can find a way to stop the end of the world. I refuse to let him loose!”

“Given the facts, Director Fury, Loki has every right to be set free,” Steve shot back.

Naturally, once Thor had regained his aplomb, it boiled down to Loki’s freedom, and the consequences of whether or not he deserved to be freed under the circumstances. Steve, who believed holding Loki in captivity was unnecessary, was backed by Natasha, Sam, and Bruce. Fury, certain the god of mischief needed to be held hostage and get as much intel about Ragnarök as possible, had Maria and Sharon on his side. Thor was the undecided third party.

“You’re putting the lives of every living organism in the universe on the line for the man who tried to kill you not too long ago,” Maria countered.

“If I was in the guy’s shoes, I’d probably want everyone dead too,” Bruce responded.

“The mass murder of eight out of nine realms doesn’t even phase you?” Sharon asked.

“Haven’t you heard of 2012?” Sam asked. “That’s nothing compared to 2012.”

“It’s 2015.”

“Look, as far as we know, Loki isn’t the crazy person we met long ago,” Natasha tried to reason. “Anyone can tell that he’s changed. We’re all just scared of the consequences, no matter what we choose to do in the end.” Before anyone could get in their opinion again, Natasha stood in the middle of the room, arms raised. “Let’s all go downstairs and just see – see as in stand outside and observe, before you guys try shooting him for sneezing – what he’s like now. I mean, if he’s crazy, it’s gotta have something to do with Stark and Barton keeping him company. Can we all agree on that?”

One by one, watching the others warily, each Avenger and agent nodded.

“Good,” Natasha said. How did she become the moderator? “Let’s go.”

* * *

_Gamora broke Loki as much as she could, despite how askew he already was. Once returning to Thanos’ lair, she and Nebula dumped him in front of their father, wearing matching smug faces. Loki wanted nothing more than to hit them off._

_“We have a prize for you,” Nebula started._

_“One we think you’ll find great use for,” Gamora finished._

_In Thanos’ sneer, Loki knew that Thanos had finally found his key to ultimate destruction. The assassins pushed him forward, causing him to fall to his knees clumsily. He looked up at Thanos, teeth gritting. In the back of his mind, his mother was scolding him for his terrible habit._

_“Should I apologize for my daughter rejecting your advances yet again?” he asked. “After all, you are no match for Baldur, whom cannot leave her grasp no matter what.”_

_“It’s a passing grievance, I assure you,” Thanos said, rising from his throne. He snapped his fingers. Loki was pulled to his feet. “Nebula, Gamora, bring him to my chambers. I want to make sure our new friend is completely persuaded to join forces with us.”_

_For the second time in his long life, Loki found himself being raped by a creature much stronger than he is, and crying out for someone who wouldn’t save him. He wasn’t sure whom he was calling for. It didn’t matter. No one would save him. If anyone knew his whereabouts, it would be Heimdall, and possibly Odin. Loki hoped they were enjoying the show._

_He collapsed against the bed, trying to keep as still as possible. He body was covered in bruises and scratches, his bottom on fire. The feeling of Thanos’ leavings seeping from him made him grimace._

_Suddenly, he was flipped onto his back, Thanos hovering above him. What Loki thought would be another round (would this one be the twentieth time now?) was pushed aside at the sight of the scepter in Thanos’ hand, its core glowing blue, blue as the tesseract._

_“Just to make sure that you will ensure me total destruction of the world,” he grunted. “And in return, I shall give you rule of Midgard.”_

_Midgard. Now the term reminded him of Thor. Thor, who had found himself a Midgardian of his own, a woman named Jane Foster. Thor was allowed to have his Midgardian woman, whom he’d been with for only three days. Not like Loki’s eight years with his Midgardian family, where he’d built a new home, a new life where people truly cared for him. But Loki was not allowed such happiness. Thor was. Thor did not love Midgard as much as he did._

_That was the last thought he remembered as the sharp tip of the scepter lightly touched the center of his chest, putting him in a mindless trance._

* * *

__

Tony and Clint had just finished watching Thor murdering the giants who stole Mjolnir from him, both rolling around with laughter at the sight of god in a dress. Loki even had to laugh at the situation. Thor had looked absolutely ridiculous.

“Alright, not everything sucks in Norse mythology,” Tony decided. “Now I wished I’d read that chapter.”

“We need to come up with a really boss nickname for Thor now,” Clint said.

At the same time, the two Avengers shouted, “ _The Princess Bride!_ ”

“If you two are done fooling around,” Loki said, “then we can cont…in…ue…”

The next part that appeared was Loki in the tavern on Midgard those years ago, meeting the man he would soon fall in love with and marry for the first time. Their wedding in what he learned was a chapel, with his husband’s family all cheering when the two kissed. The consummation of their marriage. The birth of their daughters.

How happy he had been.

“I never knew you lived on Earth,” Tony said, astonished.

“No one did,” Loki admitted. “I was in hiding.”

“I can’t imagine what you did wrong,” Clint said. None of them knew if he was being sarcastic.

“They accused me of murdering Thor’s brother. Midgard was my one place of solace.” Loki smiled. “He was the one who took me in.”

“What’s his name?”

“Gudfroder. It means ‘God’s love’. He always had a smile on his face.” Loki giggled. “When I told him I had no name, he called me Asta. It means ‘divine beauty’.”

“What about your daughters?”

“Eisa and Einmyria. Embers and Ashes.”

“Well, they look just like their mother.” Clint smiled sheepishly. “They were probably great kids.”

“They were.”

He watched as Asta – no, that was _him_ – kissed her children’s foreheads, promising to return soon, then her husband’s lips, playfully scolding when he grabbed her rear. He watched as Gudfroder played with the children, the three laughing at each other’s antics. Tears welled in Loki’s eyes yet again.

Then Odin appeared. Gudfroder protectively shielded his daughters, demanding the intruder leave them be, begging he take anything but his daughter. Odin, much larger than them, wrapped one hand around the mortal’s neck, and snapping it with one tight squeeze. The sound echoed in Loki’s ears. Eisa and Einmyria shrieked and ran to the back window, Odin having blocked the door. He grabbed one girl in each hand, repeating the process. He then dropped the lifeless bodies and retracted to the dark corner, waiting for Loki’s inevitable return.

“Who the hell does that guy think he is?!” Clint blurted. “That’s murder!”

“There was no way to track a killer in those days,” Loki said quietly. “Even so, the fingerprints of the All-Father would be untraceable. Everyone assumed the killer kidnapped me and killed off the others.”

Loki returned shortly afterwards, and broke down, trying desperately to revive his dead family. Odin revealed himself, let Loki vent, and then slapped him, telling him they were going home. Loki had no home then, and he certainly didn’t have one now.

The real Loki began sobbing. The projection flickered away. Before, Tony and Clint would’ve just stared, unsure of how to react. Almost subconsciously, they both reached out and took Loki in their arms, hoping their comfort would help.

It had no effect. The damage was already done.

* * *

_This was not the way Loki wanted to have a throne of his own – a second time, he reminded himself. He sat upon Odin’s throne, wearing a glamour to disguise himself as the All-Father, who was currently in another Odin-sleep as a result of stress from the Dark Elves and Frigga’s passing away. Thor, who he was more than ready to hand the throne over to, turned it away to live on Midgard with Jane Foster. Pitiful, how this was the oaf who years ago was ready to lead Asgard blindly._

_It seemed he didn’t have any choice but to lead Asgard. Without Odin, Thor, or Frigga to assume control, there was no one trustworthy enough to hand power to._

_He chose to visit the Norns, mostly to see if anything had changed about the prophecy of Ragnarök. Urd and Skuld said that with Loki killed, Ragnarök had been successfully adverted. Verdandi took Loki aside, and they watched as the other two poured mud over the branches of Yggdrasil._

_“We have been able to cease the decaying process,” she said, her tone even. “That may have those two a bit at ease for now, but I have a strong feeling Loki is still amongst the living.”_

_“Ragnarök will happen.”_

_“It’s a possibility. What will happen during Ragnarök is still up in the air.”_

_Loki turned, fully facing the Norn sister, who kept her body facing Yggdrasil. “You said so yourself: the world will die, with only six gods remaining.”_

_“Two of those gods were meant to be the two sons of Thor and Sif,” Verdandi said. “They do not exist. Thor never married Sif, and instead fell for the Midgardian, whom he cannot procreate with in time for Ragnarök. There will still be six gods left once the world ends. The question now becomes whom they all are.”_

_“Am I one of them?” He asked for Odin, not himself. He would take great pride in knowing he would still cause the downfall of the All-Father._

_To his glee, Verdandi shook her head solemnly. “I must apologize, but you are still the first of many casualties. Thor, with his impulsiveness, will still fall second. Following that, everything becomes unpredictable.”_

_“Why, exactly, does it become unpredictable?”_

_“It is Thor’s friends, All-Father. Those Midgardians, and more that he has no knowledge of, contain immense power as individuals and when teamed together. There is a great chance they will join the final battle, and they will change the course of the fight. Loki’s battle against Heimdall may never take place, in favor of fighting the Man of Iron or the Hawk’s Eye. Their will alone can defeat him.”_

_Loki thanked Verdandi and returned to his chambers – his own, not Odin’s. Once making sure none of the servants or guards were near, Loki let out a roar and began destroying everything in sight. Of course, those damned Avengers would be the cause of his own demise. How could he not see this coming? The prophecy hadn’t mentioned the possibility of there being mortals in the fight because no mortal was idiotic enough to join the battle. These mortals were beyond idiotic. They needed to be stopped – now._

_He would have to be patient. Odin would have to wake up and return to the throne before Loki could return to Midgard. Then, one by one, he would take out the Avengers._

_He would be a survivor of Ragnarök if it was the last thing he’d ever do._

* * *

__

“Disgusting,” Natasha spat. “What kind of man murders his son’s family so carelessly?”

“Odin, apparently,” Sam answered.

The assassin turned toward Fury and the past agents. “Now do you see how scarred he is? Loki doesn’t deserve imprisonment; what he needs is help.”

“You’re more emotional toward Loki than I thought, Romanoff,” Fury said.

She turned and stared at the god, still weeping in Tony and Clint’s arms. “Let’s just say I can sympathize,” she said quietly. “It’s not easy watching everything you have be taken away from you.”

“I don’t remember reading anything about Loki having another family,” Steve pointed out, everyone turning toward Thor. “Care to explain how that piece of information was left out?”

Thor didn’t move. His hand was pressed against the glass, eyes focused on his brother. In the corner of his eye, the vision of his deceased brother-in-law and nieces haunted him. He remembered Loki disappearing after being accused of murdering Baldur. Naturally, Thor looked for him, but to no avail. When Loki returned, he’d been absolutely miserable. He wanted to comfort him, truly, but was pushed away. Loki didn’t want anyone, not even Frigga, near him.

“I was unaware of Loki’s secret family,” Thor admitted. “I only knew he had disappeared.”

Come to think of it, the rumor that Loki had killed Baldur – even when everyone watched his blind brother Hodur commit the crime, without any true intentions of murder, just jest – had been spread by Sif. The two never got along.

“Of course he was sad when he returned. He suffered from great loss.”

Natasha spun back to Fury. “I’ll give you one minute to reconsider freeing Loki,” she said, “and I promise I will try helping him the best I can once you do. But I can’t let you keep him locked up anymore.”

* * *

_Of course, the very moment the All-Father had awoken in his chambers and called out for Frigga (as if she would come), Loki knew he had no choice but to run. But where to? Midgard was no longer a safe haven for him. Between Stuttgart and New York, he was very well-known. Perhaps Hel would be welcoming. The other realms did not receive a single thought. Loki quickly changed his guise into a small black kitten and dashed across Asgard. In his small and unrecognizable form, he hoped he could accomplish one last thing before his inevitable capture._

_He pawed and mewed at the window before Sigyn came into the bedroom, eyebrows knit in confusion at the sight of the peculiar creature. It took her seconds to realize whom he was through his black coat and jade eyes. She opened the window and let him in. She shut the door as Loki changed into his regular form. He didn’t bother covering his nude body; it wasn’t like she hadn’t seen him nude before, and he had no time for decency._

_“Everyone has thought you to be dead, dear husband,” Sigyn whispered. “Thor shared the news with us before his departure to Midgard some moons ago. To think you were alive all this time…” Sigyn threw herself in Loki’s arms. He let her, and even wrapped his arms around her. Long ago, the thought of embracing his wife was repulsive. Today was different._

_“I have little time,” Loki told her. “I needed to bid you farewell before I left.”_

_“After all this time, I had thought you never loved me. You always had such hatred in your eyes when you looked at me.” Sigyn pulled away so she could face Loki. Had she always been so short to him? “What has changed?”_

_“As bitter and cruel I have been during our marriage, I cannot deny how deeply I fell in love with you when I first cast my eyes upon you. You were my first love. No one can ever let go of their first love.”_

_“Please, husband, do not go so soon,” Sigyn begged, hands clutching Loki’s biceps. “Show me one last time that you love me. Please…”_

_Loki smiled. “Of course.”_

_They made love like they had on their wedding night. Loki was slow, tender, very caring toward Sigyn, who cried out and yearned for more. Each kiss was passionate. Each movement was fulfilling. Loki almost felt regret for ignoring Sigyn these past years. And his sons – were they even home? Was he going to bother apologizing for being absent and give them a proper farewell? Given their hatred toward him, it was probably in his best interest not to inform them of his presence._

_After all was said and done, Loki allowed himself to take a nap with his wife in his arms. She deserved it, for putting up with him all these years._

_“Is this goodbye forever?” Sigyn asked as she lazily traced shapes on his chest with her fingertips._

_“I am afraid so,” Loki answered. “I fear the All-Father may come for you as well. Plan to leave with the children as soon as you can.”_

_“What would Odin do with me? This is the last place anybody would come searching for you at.”_

_“Which is why you should leave.”_

_“Which is why I should stay. And you should too. You can hide here until this blows over.”_

_“This time is different, my wife. This is worse than Baldur’s death.”_

_Sigyn sat up to face Loki. “Is this the end?”_

_Loki nodded. “Perhaps.”_

_Sigyn laid against him and held him close. Loki held her as well. She deserved better than him._

_In the dark of night, Sigyn dressed Loki, who was in his female glamour, in her most worn clothing and gave him some provisions to last until he found a hideout. After sharing one last kiss, Loki disappeared into the night, wondering how long it would take before he would be caught._

* * *

__

Loki sensed his brother’s presence on the other side of the glass cage before he gathered the courage to look up into those horrified blue eyes. He sneered and pulled away from Clint and Tony’s grasps, crawling over toward him, animalistic.

“Are you not amused, brother?” he asked. “Is little Loki’s falling apart not a spectacular sight? Aren’t you _reveling_ in watching me?”

“Please, Loki, I did not know,” Thor pleaded. He held his hands against the glass. “Forgive my ignorance.”

“Forgive?” Loki spat. “ _Forgive_?” He stood and slammed his fists heavily in front of Thor’s face. He growled when his brother didn’t jump back. “I was _thirteen!_ _Thirteen years old_ when Svadilfari took me. _Thirteen years old_ ,” Loki cried. He and Thor both knew he used his Midgardian age so the others would have a better perspective on his growing madness. “I cried out for you, _begged_ for you to come and rescue me, and even as I cried in your arms about what he did, you did not care.”

“That’s not true!” Thor insisted.

“If you cared, you would have stopped Odin from taking my son!”

“I did not know!”

“Did not know? How would you like me taking your children from your arms? How would you feel if you had to watch your children being gutted and turned into savages before being slain? _How would you feel?!_ ”

Loki slid to the ground, sobbing hysterically. He felt everyone staring at him. It wasn’t fueling him anymore. He just felt humiliated, to weep before those who had feared him only years ago.

“You son of a bitch,” he whimpered, banging pathetically against the glass wall.

* * *

_Three days had passed without any signs of Odin or his warriors. Loki had been hiding in the woods and slowly making his way through Sigyn’s provisions. Sleep had eluded him day and night. Every snapping twig and crunching leaf kept Loki awake and alert. The wildlife were to blame, but as long as it wasn’t some savage here to capture him, he would let the wildlife help him keep his guard up._

_Day four and luck had given him an abandoned home to live in. There was no food, but a cushioned bed with a quilt was better than the dark clouds hinting at rain. Loki decided to let his guard down just this once so he could get a peaceful sleep._

_When he awoke, his hands were bound by rope to the headboard and his mouth stuffed with a rag. He tried to fight it, but in his female glamour, he was significantly weaker. And of course, some hunter probably wanted to take advantage of the lone female with her guard down. How horrifically clichéd._

_“Well, well, well, it seems the little prince has finally awaken.”_

_Loki’s head snapped up. Fandral. Not only someone who recognized his female glamour, but one who has been known to be quite attracted to his female glamour. Even if they were once friends, Loki found his advances to be discomforting. Almost as bad as the giants at the wedding he and Thor attended._

_“No one else knows you are here, I assure you,” Fandral said._

_That’s what worried Loki most of all. At least the others had enough sense to stop Fandral. Loki tried to stay brave and unconcerned, as he internally panicked when Fandral began undoing his trousers._

_“I have always wondered how you would feel,” he continued, now bare from the hips down. “Thor would never allow me to be with you, nor would you give me the chance. I had to take advantage of what the Norns have given me. You understand.”_

_No, he didn’t understand why Fandral had to stoop so low. Loki struggled to keep his legs shut, until Fandral forced his arm in between long enough to separate his legs further apart and place his body between them. Loki screamed as Fandral penetrated him, eyes screwed shut to keep tears from flowing. Fandral chuckled lowly._

_“You feel better than I imagined,” he grunted, starting to thrust at a rapid pace. “I am glad we have the chance to share this special moment, Loki.”_

_Loki screamed louder, the gag quieting him. Fandral pet his hair and face with one hand, before moving to hold Loki’s bottom higher to help angle into his victim better. Loki could only scream and thrash in protest as Fandral raped him._

_This time, he cried out to no one. Not Thor. Not Odin. No one._

* * *

__

“With all due respect, Fury, there are some things that can’t be unseen,” Clint said, “and what Stark and I saw was down-right horrifying. You can’t expect us to believe that he’s anything but sane.”

“So what you’re saying is that you want this guy to cause the end of the world?” Fury questioned.

“No. I want to help him.”

“Did you forget what he had done to you, Barton?”

“No, I didn’t. But you gave me a second chance. Loki is way overdue.”

“Well, Barton, with all due respect, the answer is no.”

“But–”

“You are not our director anymore, _Nick_ ,” Tony cut in. “Last time I checked, you don’t have the right to give us orders. This is my tower, so we do as I say. We’re not turning him in to anyone.”

“Are you threatening me, Stark?” Fury asked.

“No, I’m not. I’m telling you the truth.”

Fury and Tony held their glare. From behind Fury, Sharon and Maria prepared to back him up. From around them, the Avengers readied to battle.

“This is not a fight you want to start, Stark,” Fury said.

“You say that like you’ve ever fought since the Avengers were formed,” Tony shot back. “Picking up a gun doesn’t count either. You couldn’t take us on. Not even your little sidekicks can save you now.”

“Do you want to put that to the test?”

Tony turned out to be right. While Bruce slipped into Loki’s cell and helped him to his feet, the Avengers took on the agents. Maria was the first to go down, with Thor unapologetically knocking her unconscious with a swing of Mjolnir making her fly against the far wall. Sharon held her own against Natasha the best she could, but the Russian had more tricks up her sleeves than the blonde, and was soon electrocuted into unconsciousness. Steve put Fury down with his shield.

“JARVIS, get Happy to pull around the limo,” Tony ordered. “We’re driving right to the airport. Tell the pilots and flight attendants to get ready to fly out in ten.”

“Where are we going?” Bruce asked. Thor went to help carry Loki, but his hand was slapped away. Instead, Steve was allowed to help support him.

“Doesn’t matter. Let’s just go.”

* * *

_Once Fandral was finished with Loki, he stripped the prince naked, dragged him through the woods, and kicked him down a small cliff. Loki landed on his side. The bones in his arm crunched, but he could not find the strength to cry out. He instead sat up and let it heal. There was no point in running. He even switched back to his normal form. He was too tired to try anything._

_Hours later, he was hog-tied by Sif and having the skin being ripped off his back as she dragged him alongside a stream. She made sure to drag him through rocks, over tree roots, and even through a bush or ten. Loki had to know exactly how much hatred she – no, all of Asgard – harbored toward him._

_When they arrived at their destination – a slab of rock, where the Warriors’ Three stood, Fandral’s sickening grin making Loki nauseous – Sif let go of him. She spat in Loki’s face for emphasis._

_On cue, Odin appeared, along with his guards. Two held Sigyn, while two more held Nari and Vali. Nari was tied to a nearby tree as Odin turned Vali into a wolf. Sigyn fought and cried as Vali charged his brother, ripping out his entrails violently and tossing them around the dead child. One of the guards beheaded Vali. Sigyn continued to cry. Loki couldn’t bring himself to react. He felt that he was finally defeated._

_He didn’t fight as he was bound to the rock, spread-eagle and belly-up, by the entrails of Nari, now unbreakable chains. He watched as Odin knotted a snake over him, screaming as poison dripped onto his face. Sigyn was then released. She threw herself on Loki, weeping for their lost children. The guards and warriors departed with Odin, no longer caring what happened between them._

_Sigyn left for two days, returning with a large basin to collect the poison. She spoke about their pasts together, of all the happiness they used to know. Every week or so, she had to empty the basin. The drops of poison that dripped on Loki during that time were more painful than the times before._

_He told Sigyn that he loved her for staying by his side through these times. This time, he felt like he finally meant it. Sigyn kissed his hip, unable to kiss his lips without exposing him to the snake’s venom._

* * *

__

“We can stay in Malibu for around a week,” Tony said. “It’ll be long enough to make final plans about where to go. How’s Calcutta this time of year, Bruce?”

“About the same as last time, I suppose,” Bruce answered. “Chaotic. There was a disease last time I was there. I don’t think there was another doctor there.”

“Bummer. How about you, Natalie? Is Russia good?”

Natasha glared at the mention of her alias. “Not for any of us.”

“You’re probably right. How about Hawaii? It’s been a while since I’ve been to Hawaii. Have any of you been there? How about you, Loki?”

Loki was curled up in the seat next to Steve, still unresponsive. He hadn’t spoken since his breakdown back at the Avengers Tower.

“Please don’t,” Steve warned. “The last thing he needs is you harassing him.”

“How is that harassment? Hawaii is a lovely place – and it’s pretty remote, depending on where you stay. I’m voting for Hawaii.”

“As much of an ass Tony’s being right now, I agree. Hawaii isn’t a bad place to go,” Clint said.

“That’s two for Hawaii! Anyone else?”

Thor glanced toward Loki. His eyelids were drooping heavily, and he expected that soon Loki would be fast asleep. He felt remorse for not knowing how much his brother had gone through. If he had been there and been more supportive, perhaps there wouldn’t have been as much bad blood between them as there was now. Only if he could reverse time and right all the wrongs.

Thor let his gaze linger a little longer. Loki looked so old for someone so young.

* * *

 _Sigyn had been missing for a week when Angrboda appeared. She was still as dull and unattractive as_ _Loki remembered, despite the few hundred years they’d gone without seeing one-another._

_“These are lovely chains,” she commented, running a finger against the cool metal._

_“They are my son’s intestines,” Loki said stoically._

_“So I’ve heard. It seems the All-Father is still as cruel to his grandchildren as I remember.” With that, Angrboda summoned a saw, helping free Loki. “He is also cruel to his daughter-in-law.” Angrboda reached for the snake and squeezed its head until it popped like a balloon. She casually wiped the guts off on the rock._

_The hint wasn’t subtle. Odin only had one daughter-in-law. “How long?” he asked._

_“The villagers seized her the second she returned home. She was burned as a sacrifice to the Norns in hopes of preventing Ragnarök.” Angrboda let out a bark of laughter. “Sadly, their attempts are in vain. The end of the worlds cannot be stopped.”_

_Any other time, Loki would have agreed and ordered for her to rally the troops. Today, he shook his head, saying, “I cannot do this.”_

_“Do what, my love?”_

_“Ragnarök. I do not wish it upon any of us. This prophecy, the idea of me leading this… I lack the will or strength to do it.”_

_“After all they have done?” Angrboda knelt before him, lifting his head so their eyes could meet. “They have degraded, banished, and murdered your children. They have slain your wife. You have been taken again and again unwillingly. The times you have found happiness were crushed by none other than Odin himself. You would refuse to avenge what they have done to you?”_

_Loki nodded wearily. “I cannot, my love. I lack the strength.”_

_Angrboda clucked her tongue in annoyance, but she could never disagree with Loki. “Very well,” she said. “However, when you find yourself ready to destroy the nine realms, I will come to you with an army ready to kill the Aesir under your command.”_

_“As I expect from you.”_

_Angrboda stripped off her green tunic and black trousers and helped Loki dress in them. “Anywhere you wish me to send you? Somewhere where I can easily reach you, perhaps?”_

_Only one place came to mind. “Midgard. New York, if you can manage it.”_

_Angrboda smiled and leaned forward. She placed a chaste kiss to his lips. He couldn’t find it in himself to kiss her back. “Consider it done.”_

* * *

__

When Loki woke up, he was asleep in a bed he didn’t recognize, but the faces around him came easy to him. Thor was out cold on a cushioned chair near his bedside. Bruce and Natasha were standing at the foot of the bed, watching him with unblinking eyes. Bruce was holding a tray with fruit, bread, and a glass of water on it.

“Thought you might be hungry,” he said. “I don’t know how long you’ve gone without eating–”

“Too long,” Loki said. “I thank you for your kindness.” Bruce set the tray down beside Loki. Loki unapologetically tore into the bread, ripping it to bits like a savage as he filled his empty belly. He wouldn’t admit that it had been months since he last ate. Even as a god, he couldn’t naturally go this long without food.

“We want to help you,” Natasha said, distracting Loki from eating. “Mentally, we want to help. We can get you a therapist or two to talk things over with. There may be some leftover from SHIELD who won’t give away who you are to Fury, whenever he catches up to us.”

“You shouldn’t,” Loki insisted. “No doctor can help me.”

“That’s the whole purpose of a doctor. They can help you through loss, instability, sickness, rape–”

“No, they cannot, Romanoff. No mortal can help me through what I have witnessed.” He furiously rubbed the heels of his hand at his eyes, trying to wipe away the tears before they were seen. “Some seven hundred years of pain and madness is not something you can undo.”

“I know what you mean. There are things I wish I could take back, but sometimes, the universe is against you. Just know that the option is there.” Natasha decided to leave their conversation there. She stood and left the room. Bruce stood there awkwardly, staring at Loki uncomfortably.

“We don’t blame you, you know,” he said. “If we were in your shoes, we’d want to destroy the universe too.”

“That’s not what I want, Doctor,” Loki said. “That’s what I am expected to do.”

“Good thing we don’t always do as expected.”

Loki felt himself smile. Not a big smile, but one that Bruce noticed before it vanished. “No, I suppose we don’t.”

* * *

_For two weeks, Loki found himself wandering around the alleys and passageways of New York. Staying hidden was harder than he expected. He hadn’t known there were so many humans living in one small city. Not even this many people lived on Asgard. But he had come to learn that Midgard was full of surprises._

_The homeless were treated as the lowest of the low in the unofficial caste system. Loki watched as they fought for dry spots on rainy days and unspoiled food when it was found in garbage cans and dumpsters. The ones who tried begging for food, shelter, and money were rarely given the time of day. Young children steered clear of most of the other homeless. They could squeeze into smaller areas and outrun the police when they came around._

_There were the less-fortunate on Asgard, but none who had been this unwelcomed and cast aside. On Asgard, they would be given jobs to work in homes or the marketplace, given food from time to time, and even shelter during the coldest seasons. Never would they be ignored. Eventually, they were able to get back on their feet. These people weren’t given any chances._

_Loki found himself time and time again passing by Stark Tower – now Avengers Tower, as he eventually noticed the building had been renamed. Loki thought about going in there and begging for help, but he assumed his presence would be most unwanted._

_Then Loki found himself trapped in an alley between two women. One of them he recognized from the New York incident as one of Fury’s second-in-commands, Maria Hill. The other he remembered vaguely from what Barton had told him during his mind-control, but not enough to put a name to her face._

_“What brings you here, Loki?” Maria asked._

_“The same could be asked of you,” he replied. “I am not terrorizing you.”_

_“Yet.”_

_“Just come with us peacefully and no one has to get hurt,” the other woman said, brandishing a pair of handcuffs. “We won’t bite.”_

_Adrenaline rushed through Loki’s veins as he had the sudden urge to fight back. He threw a trashcan lid like a disc at Maria before charging the blonde. He was able to wrestle her to the ground and pin her hands above her head before he felt the electrical charge of Maria’s taser flow through him. He fell to the ground with the dull thud before he was unable to stay conscious._

* * *

__

Hawaii was quiet, calm, and peaceful. Beautiful too, Loki added, as he wandered the empty beach by his new hideout. But the first three were the most important.

Another was it was secluded. The chances of SHIELD (or whatever they were now) finding him and the Avengers here were slim to none. According to Tony, JARVIS was sending mixed messages around the globe of possible whereabouts. Banner in Calcutta. Barton in Budapest. Romanoff in Russia. Rogers in Canada. It would take the agents at least a month to track them down, and by then, they could prove that Loki was not the enemy.

Only if it were that simple, he thought.

After he finished his walk, he made his way back to the home they were staying in. There was civilization for kilometers, Loki had learned, so nobody would come looking for them unless they were horrendously lost in the surrounding woods. Only Rogers and Romanoff went into town. None of the others were allowed. More than two people would be more suspicious, according to Romanoff. Loki was fine with the decision. He didn’t want to be near too many people anyway.

“How was your walk?” Thor asked as Loki neared their home.

“Lovely,” he answered. “The scenery is absolutely breath-taking.”

“I’m glad you find it enjoyable.” Thor motioned for Loki to come closer, which he did. In a lower voice, Thor said, “Are you faring better? I know that we have been on rather tense terms as of recently–”

“Do not fret, Thor,” Loki assured him. “I promise, all is well. I have no plans but to live in peace and try to cope with my past.”

“I again apologize for all troubles I have caused. I have not been a worthy brother to you. It is my fault–”

“Forget the blame,” Loki interrupted. “For now, let us pretend it never happened. Later we can sort things out.”

“Is that a promise?”

Loki smiled. It lacked its usual sinister hint. “It is a promise… brother.”

* * *

_When Loki awoke in a cage similar to the one he was in on the helicarrier, he was less than surprised. He had almost expected it._

_He sat back against the glass walls and waited patiently for whomever was coming to interrogate him. This time, he had no plans of escaping or engaging them in battle. All he wanted was to be left alone._


End file.
